Bi-polar day

So far today i am doing good only one anxiety attack I know I can control it if i try but its very hard to do when you see lights above you and they get all blurry and your heart races and you feel like you just wanna go out of control.. so thats when the bathroom comes in handy.. I go in and take deep breath's good thing there a family restroom at wall mart. sometimes it gets so hard when i ask questions and i don't understand or i feel so out of place.. and then i feel nervous and useless.. and thats when the anxiety hits me.

don't get me wrong i like my job alot just have to control the way i am.. change who i am.. by taking my meds everyday and working with my doc's to not be so emotional.. for me i guess its a struggle to be out.. but i know also this job is very good for me... if it wasn't for this job i would be in the house more and more closed in.. and one of my goals is to get out more and be in places..

anxity to me..

I wanna hit the walls,
scream out loud
but all i can do is cry
for fear of frustration
my mind ticks away
the number in learning
its all about the learning
hot to breathe again

I wanna kick something
for fear of totally loosening it
but thats what i already done
lost it
don t want it back
just breath
and try to
stay on track
with the ticking in my head
the nice sway motion of the ears

just breath
and you will forget all the tears
the ones in frustration
kicking and screaming dies
to the motion in the head of the ticking

just breath
and you will soon
forget

Bi-Polar Soul..

My world is soring
soring free inside my head
its like a big light switch
so very big
that i have bells in my ears
i cant answer
i wanna answer them
say hello
hello and stop
but the colors of black and blue
come in and go out of my head
they make me want to shout
to scream
its a high i am soaring
i am about the clouds
till i fall
and feel
as if i am dieing
in my head
i feel so much pain
so much grief
of these eyes on me
eyes looking straight through me
feel pain in my soul
deep in my heart
this is a low
the two get mixed up
day to day
i have this switch
more then once a day
it is flipped
more then once
a smell a sound
and its flipped
i am tired
i am weak
i am me
i am a bi polar soul

who bleeds
who feels
who is afraid
of being different

so much grief
so much madness
the switch flips
so much happiness
so much fun
the switch
so much low
so much high

this is me
this is my
bi polar
soul...