Tear into you with the flesh of my fangs
broken skin laying all around me
the broken skin of a liar
you said forever you said forever
i scream and run to you
nothing is forever you say
so i go on and on

make a new life
but your shadow is still there
cant shake you
cant get over you

love has died in my soul no trust for no one
nothing for no one
shadow is there in my head of you
in my heart of you
in my vision of you

love is not forever
you were never forever

and so it seems
i am alone....

The Ghost

Touching your pale skin in the moonlight
I turn you over to look at you in the light
to only see a ghost of a memory
to the past that is long gone

the world seems as if i am a shadow
that i do not belong
only your ghost
only your silent memory
will awaken me

awaken in your darkest deepest dreams
I am the ghost your the soul to be awaken
from a long journey of dreams
and visions
from a long
awaken
you
have finally
come to me

your the master i am the slave
your the soul
i am your ghost
i hide in the night
thats all i am
a distant memory
of a faraway
place time and searching

the ghost of you
nevermore for there is one
to be me

pain

Searching for my soul
could it b e in this Popsicle stick
all cold dead and frozen
like so many heartless
people i see everyday
lets stare at this person
and make them feel bad
it your leg going to explode
thats what i wanna know
tell me how it hurts you
relive the pain
if you will have a Popsicle stick

Dead Roses

replacing all the dead flowers from the ground
all the dead trees around
the darkness into night
is seen by the pale moonlight

i used to look at you
but you ran away
ran so far away

the dead roses took you away
the pale moonlight
keeps me smiling

the dead roses
with the thorns
that prick so softly
like the heart and soul
the emotion so strong
like when you ran
when you ran from me

Bi-polar day

So far today i am doing good only one anxiety attack I know I can control it if i try but its very hard to do when you see lights above you and they get all blurry and your heart races and you feel like you just wanna go out of control.. so thats when the bathroom comes in handy.. I go in and take deep breath's good thing there a family restroom at wall mart. sometimes it gets so hard when i ask questions and i don't understand or i feel so out of place.. and then i feel nervous and useless.. and thats when the anxiety hits me.

don't get me wrong i like my job alot just have to control the way i am.. change who i am.. by taking my meds everyday and working with my doc's to not be so emotional.. for me i guess its a struggle to be out.. but i know also this job is very good for me... if it wasn't for this job i would be in the house more and more closed in.. and one of my goals is to get out more and be in places..

the green grass

waves in my mind flowing carefree
to the sea the grass blows
smell the fresh air see the sun
flowing as the grass does
below your feet
flowing below like the water
in the sea
how fragile
we are in the minds eye
fragile like the air wind grass and tress
it is you, your the grass upon my feet
i am the tree to hold you up
we are fragile in the world
and the our tears are the sea....

( Victoria )

Stuff in general

Couple of movies i wanna see Get Smart and The Dark Knight,, will see The Dark Knight definitely.. and wait for dvd for Get Smart ..

saw Dr Who on Sci-fi Love that show..

and had sushi.. went to a sushi place..

trying to get out more..