Saturday, February 23, 2008

anxity to me..

I wanna hit the walls,
scream out loud
but all i can do is cry
for fear of frustration
my mind ticks away
the number in learning
its all about the learning
hot to breathe again

I wanna kick something
for fear of totally loosening it
but thats what i already done
lost it
don t want it back
just breath
and try to
stay on track
with the ticking in my head
the nice sway motion of the ears

just breath
and you will forget all the tears
the ones in frustration
kicking and screaming dies
to the motion in the head of the ticking

just breath
and you will soon

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Being bi-polar

today at work had a anxiety attack, then feel so frustrated.. and then feel so tired like i need sleep for a million years or something..don't really feel 38 going on 39 much less i feel all of 20 .. its amazing how the world looks to me so big with my eyes where i cant scream out wheni want to but do that at home on a given night.. if the mood hits me.. good thing i have my cat with me.. and my friends who put up with me and my moods.. because i view myself different in a ever crowed world

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

being bi - polar 1

sometimes i think the world is out to get me.. thats when my ears ring and i feel dizzy and my chest hurts and feels like my world is closeing in on me.. hard to come up for air when that is happening to me... but lately i have tried doing short breaths and that seems to help or walking alot like something will just set me off and when i am tired thats the worst it will happen to me and i get so depressed for a while then the next hour or so i am happy right away again.. living in my head is not to fun when that happens .. it actually hurts ..hurts the people i am near the ones that are closest to me.. or the ones who dont know whats going on and don't wanna know.. for me i have been different all of my life this way.. and this year i have to accept myself.. cause i am the only self i have... my friends help alot, and working helps me.. being out of the house seeing people music helps me alot to... like right now i am listening to 300 soundtrack and that helps alot and my cat who other wish i would be alone.. living in my head of pain..

valentines day poem

What is this?
The apprehension...
Can't swallow...
I see you from the window....
Feeling dizzy...
Very weak...
Hearts racing...
The doorbell....
Here you are...
Happy Valentines Day =)

By Beth

unending, ending

The knife has spoken the words of bitter love taken out of the heart taken out of the soul
no more i love you will be spoken
not with the sun dead in the soul
no more words spoken at night
to a knight in shining armor
who has all but goes into a faded mystery of dust

the knife of bitterness of hatred
faded into darkness faded into memory
'memory of good memory of bad

the knife cuts the wrist to bleed
freely again to bleed of the feeling again

of a knight who is know dust
in the memory of a torn out worn out soul

no more i love you
no more anything..


Its a field I see of gold and green
a mem'ry from my mind...
I wonder if you have seen
or wonder if you find...
the center of this field I see
a willow hanging low
"oh weeping willow can you see
the place that I will go?"
what does the willow see, I fear?
what does my future bring?
the weeping willow fears my leaving, and
God will show me a greater thing...

By Beth


Life is pretty amazing short sweet and the stuff in the middle that makes it amazing. Sort of like eating a piece of fruit doing something that is good for you.. This year my goal is to make more friends and to get out of my up and i have found a really great one her name is Beth and she is really nice and wonderful person.. who writs really good poetry to..