Friday, December 7, 2007

socks part 2


Just found this site... from a list i am on .... going to start using the I think..


http://www.killersocks.com/



Socks, Shoes

I think all that i want for Christmas, is one single perfect sock that fits my foot. With my Lymphedema thats the problem my left leg is big as well as my foot have tried size 11 to 13 socks and they roll down and bind in my ankle... even the one that says non-binding they do that... so i search for the perfect sock...i just want something that is pretty for my big foot and is comfortable.. thats all...

will be getting a new shoes next year for my feet.... i hate wearing guy shoes thoes so i put pretty shoelaces in.. my ones now have pink laces in them..

The Bitter Awakeing

wakening from a dream I reach out to touch your hand
only realizing that your no longer there
no longer there in my mind
no longer there in my heart
I run to you
I call to you
but no answer
through the hallways I look
seeing only emptiness
blue dark days
of no sun no life
I call to you
reach out my hand to you
your no longer there
no longer there in my heart
no longer there in my mind
no longer there
to call my own
the ocean has taken you away
carried your ashes
so you can be free
be free to live this life
this life
of how it should be
your no longer there
your only a bitter fond memory

Saturday, November 24, 2007

floating

wakening to a nightmare of my life
taking the shadows and the ghost
of past life and times
dreams that were real
to only be a lie
in between the good and the bad
there is a line to not cross
to not walk
that journey is long
for the soul is restless
the need is restless
for a life better
of a time better
it all falls down
fades away
to start a new day
going through the motions
of a single tear
of a single fear
to nothing
to everything
restless soul...

taking charge
taking steps
to make it solid
in the mind
body and soul..

restless will always be



Friday, November 23, 2007

poem

in the wake of dreams and helpless sleep
comes a wakeing
so taunting
so into my soul
i see you reach out your hand
in this sleepless wakelss dream
you lay before me
so fragile sweet
but i see the lies you tell me
through you
like a glass wall
i see it all
in this dreamless
wakeless sleep
its you i see
take my hand
and let the soul
touch as one
be in this dream
tonight
take the trip
its worth it....

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Pain

Pain that seeps in the heart
its the unknowing
its the sharing
that brings us in the pain
the pain
of child bearing
living
dieing
not knowing
pain
of a knife
twisted in the heart
and the image of a soul
Pain
its all around
take my hand
and i will guild you through
a pain free life
to the likes you have never
known...

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

A storm is here




Lately where i live its been so hot just like the rest of the country.. and with a water shortage as well so today when i saw clouds getting dark went out with the camera and decide to take pics of beautiful nature and have gotten some of lighting and the storm clouds was lucky enough to have my picture shown on the local news








of the lighting one..




Here are the pics..






Friday, August 24, 2007

what ever happened to love to life
is it to far fetched to go away
to run in the dust
to take day to night
to take myth to light

what ever happened to love
to thoughts of happiness
depressing thoughts of happiness

to life to love
to chill at night
to be one with the sights

to think for this is the beginning of the end


the forget fullness

of feelings


sleep

I wish i could sleep need to be at work in 8 hours.. yay... to much in my head.. to many thoughts..

The Forgetfull

Tired of wakening
tired of dreaming
this dreaming less sleep
that never comes to me at night
tired of the day
tired of the night
its a frightfully thought
of the sun
the moon
and the life
if there is any

tired of nothingness
that feeling it follows you
like a shadow
a cold dark shadow at night

the clouds drift from my sight
tired of the wind that blows
from the east, north, south and west

tired of this empty soul
tired of this empty heart

the feeling comes and goes
from the start

tired of this nothingness

its what i feel
surrounds me
like a moth to a flame

surrounds me
takes me in
and watches me
invites me
to fill up my pain

tired of the day
tired of the night
tired of being alone

tired of this
never ending
light..

pics of the car i used to have



sometimes i miss this car, like when i wanna go to town or to the mall just to walk around.. or when it rains.. right now i am looking for a car nothing to fancy just something to take me out and about.. near and far.. right now i walk to work and when i get off at 11pm its not so neat to walk home then.. here are pics of the car that no longer runs i got from my divorce...


Fear of Alone

I fear alone with my thoughts
alone with myself
in the deep dark saddened word
alone with my aching thoughts of a heart
tormented soul

its midnight again
and i fear
i am my only friend

of deep dark paths
of no sleep quite again

its a feeling i have
this being alone
alone in the heart
alone in the soul
of being tormented

to feel the need of a day
to feel the need of the sun
to look at you and see the new world

of only the sun and the shadows
of only the dreams and the nightmares

its a place i feel
i place i feel only
when your gone
known as only my
loneliness


<>




nyssa pics







Here are the nyssa being a pain pics.. she dont like me using the computer..

nyssa my cat



nyssa is usually a pain.. but sometimes she is cute to.. here are thoes moments..



Pic of the moon


I went outside and just took this its suppose to be the moon... suppose to be lol...

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Tommorow is another day....The season's change..

The cold steel blade of the knife slips through my heart as his piercing eyes look right though, me down to the most inner core of my soul.. Taking of a heartbeat taking the thoughts feelings of one another is a old play for what they call in todays terms love...

Its the ritual of a time gone to the light of the new way the new way of thinking with pitch forks and buckets of water turning into madness and laughter in a soap bucket.

the thought of the sun and seeing the full moon rise over the beach. That always brings me back to you. Back to the fond memories., Back to where i felt love even if it was a cold steel blade in my shiny new heart I felt life when i was with you.. now all i feel is death.. Death as clear as i see the flowers on the ground of the new turning frost of the coming year.

Nyssa


This one is her posing.. it seems like it

Kitten Pics


Pics of nyssa.. she has such a personality.. and always makes me smile.. this is what she sleeps on sometimes, her dog i named it henry when i say henry she usualy goes and sits on him.. she also comes when i call her name... he collar is pink with a bell on it so i always know where she is.. and usualy where she is is with me.. she is like a supervisor at work watching to make sure i do it right lol :)

sky pics



got bored today and took pics of the sky outside here they are..

So Far Away,,,

So far away
so far away in my heart
to reach you
to reach you
in your shell of a million miles away
a million miles away
but to hold on for the day hold on for the night
its a dream
this cant be right
its a million miles away
for the heart to tell me lies
for the soul
who only really knows
who only really cries
its a million miles away
for the day for the night
the moon that shines bright at night

so far away
so far away
to my heart]
to my soul
to your heart
to your soul

so far away
foe one breath
so far away
for just that one day

where the million miles
will all fade away...

Saturday, July 28, 2007

300 Movie

300 is coming out on Tuesday I so cant wait going to get a copy.. So i found this funny video which i really like alot. Thank you for making it.

United 300

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

lymphedema

sometimes i look at my leg and think i hate it.. why does it hurt so dang bad.. inside my ankle when i move my foot,,, but yet i think it might rain today that would be why it hurts so darn bad like this... i am like tears from my face cause of the pain.. but i must get up put on my stockings i have to wear... and walk to work.. pain or no pain and be happy at work...

i hate it.. but i have to deal with it... sigh

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Operation smile / Arizona Tea


Changing Lives One Smile at a Time:

AriZona Beverages supports Operation Smile, a worldwide organization that is changing the lives of children suffering from devastating facial deformities. One surgery costs as little as $240.00. Your purchase will help change a child's life forever. Thank you



http://www.arizonabev.com/csr/newproducts.asp
http://www.operationsmile.org/

Arizona Green Tea

So today i tried a new tea at work I usually drink the Rx stress tea and today i got the Green Tea with ginseng and honey... I like this alot better then the Lipton green tea.. if i knew Arizona was this good i would of gotten this all along.. so now all i drink is Arizona stuff... i really do love all there stuff so far i have had.. tomorrow i am going to get there ice tea in that big can...

Serving Size 8 fl. oz (240 mL)
Amount per serving
Calories 70
Calories from Fat 0

% DV*
Total Fat
0 g
0%
Saturated Fat
0 g
0%
Cholesterol
0 mg
0%
Sodium
20 mg
0.83%
Total Carbohydrates
18 g
6%
Fiber
0 g
0%
Sugars
17 g
Protein
0 g
0%

Monday, July 23, 2007

I break

I break from the people coming to me
the sun in the window
to bright to see
gotta get away
gotta break free
gotta break free
of this person called me

fears grip me
ties me down
i break
i gotta break free
of this person
they call me

sun goes down
a light switch is on
sun goes down
a light switch is off

i sit here
i wait
for the moment
to break free
for the sun to fall
the sky to come
the season change
but yet i am still me

i break
i fear
the person
they call me

the people running to me
the world fading to me
no more switches
no more lights
day has come into the night

i break
i break free
of the person i don't like
i don't like
is me

mood fades
mood follows
mood swallows
its s switch
that is all about me

its the heart that sees
but find no answers
in this weary body
of switches
of being
me...

soul lies

memories surround my soul
of what its like to be young
of what its like to feel loved
the roses are all dead
and withered away
the sun has gone away
the moon the stars to

memories surround my soul
of a time so very far away
of a chance
of a day
that will never come
memories surround my heart
of a forgotten love
of a forgotten day
of time
space
the moon
the stars

blackness falls away
turns to red
makes for the day

of blood of passion
of a new time

vivid colors
falling all down around me

vivid memories
of what i used to be

in a different time
different place

where the colors were all blue vivid and bright
now there all dark deep in the mind in the soul
its so dark..

Friday, July 20, 2007

Bi-Polar Soul..

My world is soring
soring free inside my head
its like a big light switch
so very big
that i have bells in my ears
i cant answer
i wanna answer them
say hello
hello and stop
but the colors of black and blue
come in and go out of my head
they make me want to shout
to scream
its a high i am soaring
i am about the clouds
till i fall
and feel
as if i am dieing
in my head
i feel so much pain
so much grief
of these eyes on me
eyes looking straight through me
feel pain in my soul
deep in my heart
this is a low
the two get mixed up
day to day
i have this switch
more then once a day
it is flipped
more then once
a smell a sound
and its flipped
i am tired
i am weak
i am me
i am a bi polar soul

who bleeds
who feels
who is afraid
of being different

so much grief
so much madness
the switch flips
so much happiness
so much fun
the switch
so much low
so much high

this is me
this is my
bi polar
soul...


Arizona Tea


So I have found this really great tea.. and lately i have been drinking it and telling everyone at work how good it is... its the Arizona Rx Stress Herbal Iced Tea.. and i really like it alot, i like it for the fact its no Caffeine and it just makes me feel so good to drink it..I really love this tea..

Here is a link to there site for all there really good products..

http://www.arizonabev.com/csr/home.asp




Thursday, July 19, 2007

The Sun

the sun is setting on a day
so cold so alone
so alone
in my soul
the world is dark
so cold
visions of blue and red
in my life
the sun is always closed
blinds drawn
to not let in the world
not let in the pain
pain of my soul
pain of the stares at other people
it surrounds me
like a month to a flame
the blaze
it shows in the rain
so bright
beautiful rain
rain in my soul
rain in my life
the world is dark
my mind is dark
its a blaze
that will never go out...

pics of Dark Age Of Camelot I have taken.. over the years



toriaa;jsessionid=abcvGt1Mh4kcKaytvXEpr

I Bleed

I bleed blood so red from the feelings i share
blood from the soul
showing much despair
blood
let it rain down on me
let it rain down on my soul
to cleanse all the wounds
and start a new
blood
let it show my soul
let it open my heart
for all the world to see
blood
it is
moving all through me

if i get hurt
do i not bleed blood to
do i not feel
do i not share
the same things as you?

do i not bleed
blood
to...

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Lymphedema Wednesday



I am tired didn't sleep good last night. although i went to bed at 10pm, tossed and turned and my leg felt like it was on fire, and had pins and needles all night long in it.. cramps to on the left leg and foot.. It rained last night and afternoon, and when it rains i get this really bad pain in my ankle and foot.. so bad last night it brought tears to my eyes..

So when I awake this morning at 4am.. same pain.. seems worse in a way.. so today i decide to wrap my leg after i massage it.. what i do first is put cotton on my foot wrap it up just below the knee with about 8 pieces of cotton...This will be the first Pic.. Then after that I take some bandages and wrap the foot first going up to the knee.. i use about 5 bandages for this.. depends on how big swollen my leg is.. the purpose is when i walk.. the bandages move and move my skin more and get the circulation going better..2nd pic is the leg wrapped with the bandages..Well ok, the pic on the left is the bandaged one. the pic on the right is the one with the cotton...

will also put a Link up to bandaging your leg as well..

Monday, July 16, 2007

rainbows and kittens
pink and purple
of the sun set a knew
the tress blowing in the wind
the smell of the flowers
the feel of the grass on my feet
these are a few
of my favorite things

the things i like
the things i love

the flowers
trees
sun

the moonlight in full bloom
like the flowers in the daylight

these are a few of my favorite things

i walk on air
float on the sun

live in pain

but my favorite things keeps me from
being in chains

chains of pain
chains of the sun

when there is life to live
air to breathe
flowers to watch bloom

the glory of the sun
and the moon

in the world
full of
pink and purple skies
kittens
in the world
full
of
my
favorite
things

your my favorite thing...

<>


i hide myself away from the pain
the scars i hide them well
but they show on the outside
come up from the inside
big full of pain
when people look
people stare
at the difference
between me and them
i am different
i hide my pain
but i show my scar
for the whole world to see
my scar
big as daylight
big as the sun
big as the night
its the movement that hurts
the pain that grips the inside
that shows on the outside
the pain of being different
it makes me unique
to my own self
makes me not a lemming
to a world full of them
makes my heart and soul grow
for the need to help another
for i am different
for i am unique
i am also
invisible

but to the world
i am only visible
long enough to stare...




my soul hurts.. my life feels like it has been crushed into a thousand tiny pieces..
broken twisted emotional.. and feels so out of place in life in myself..
the pain is all around me
it hurts
to breath
to move
and the sun flows
into the night
into the day
as time passes
i feel as if my soul has been crushed
my life has been taken away
the sun sets
the sun dies
my soul and heart die
with it...

lymphedema

Avoiding Lymphedema or Keeping It in Check

For the person with lymphedema, skin care is very important. All skin abrasions need to be cleaned and covered immediately to help prevent infection. We recommend keeping alcohol swabs, antibiotic ointment and bandages available at all times. Avoid any trauma to the involved limb, including needle sticks or burns. Other recommendations include:
  • Avoid temperature extremes such as hot baths, hot tubs and hot showers; Turkish baths or saunas; burns from cooking, smoking or the sun; and travel in hot or cold climates.
  • Avoid infections from insect bites; manicures or pedicures; vaccinations, venipunctures or acupunctures in the affected limb; pet scratches; skin punctures and cuts; venography; and lymphography.
  • Avoid blunt trauma such as lifting heavy objects; playing golf or tennis; applying a blood pressure cuff to the affected limb; wearing tight clothing, especially breast straps; wearing a heavy breast prosthesis; or wearing rings, watches or bracelets on the affected limb.
General precautions for people with lymphedema include:
  • Practice good nutrition. Limit salt and fried foods.
  • Avoid alcohol and nicotine as much as possible.
  • Maintain a normal weight.
  • Keep the affected limb meticulously clean. Be very careful with skin and nail care.
  • Sleep with the affected limb elevated.
  • Exercise. Try walking, swimming or specially-prescribed exercises.
  • Use hypoallergenic soaps and fragrances.
  • Seek treatment for even the slightest sign of lymphedema.
  • Treat infections vigorously.

I just found this site... for careing about Lymphedema.. so i thought i would post form that site.. i am also going to add them to my list of links.. and write the a email.. and ask them some questions..


lymphedema

My leg has been hurting last night ever since it rained , bad pain in it and it aches.. when i walk when i move when my cat rubs against my leg its juist one big ball of pain.. so today i am going to wrap it and take pics of it ..i hope when i wrap it it will feel better some.. the pain is going from my ankle to the right side of my leg and feels hot..

Saturday, July 14, 2007

My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion

That is the video i just put up, makes me wanna watch Titanic. Its a good movie and i like this song alot..

block myself

I block myself from the pain..
each day it takes my soul away
each day i try to understand
the meaning of life
the meaning of love
the meaning
of time wind and space

space
is that all i have
space
between me
between you

is it love
is it a dieing flower
in the heat
like a cold death
the flame has been out
been out for a while

been out of space
been out of time

drifting in the memories
feeling the pain of the soul

tired of drifting

tired of floating

its always the invisible
that has to wait
wait for a long time

when things used to be different
when memories where clear

is this how it is ?

I block myself from the pain
I blow the flame out
of the dieing flower

and walk..

lymphedema


with my left foot being bigger then my right foot its hard for me to find shoes.. and right now i am wearing.. New Balance Cross Trainers..
http://www.newbalance.com/home.php
there mens and size 11EEE.. hard for me to find shoes i like and feel good on my feet..so what i did i put pink shoe strings on these to make them look pretty.. to woman them up.. I have always liked New Balance shoes.. here are a pic of my shoes...


Lymphedema


some things don't seem so +bad.. until i wake up walk about and can feel the fluid move in my leg and stay there.. then my ankle and foot hurt like anything.. maybe its the pressure of the fluid that stays there but my ankle is small and my foot is big with the calf being big as well.what i want to do is get the left ankle and make it strong.. have looked at ankle weights and have not found any that would fit my ankle.. with the way it is.. between a swollen leg and foot.. and now i am thinking of getting a recumbent bike.. the kind where you can sit down and ride it.. was once told that is the best kind i can use for the way my legs are..

usually when i wake up in the morning i massage my legs.. arms and everything.. then i out on my stockings. they come up to almost my hips.. and have infection fighting material on them there from ..

http://www.jobst-usa.com/

these are custom made for the measurements of my leg..they help alot.. to move the legs.. the skin.. and so that more fluid wont go down there..

at least thats what i think they do.. i am still learning about this.. these do get hot.. and with the weather nice and all. would not rather wear them but don't wanna be in pain either and have my leg worse.. and when i am at work i wear skirts now.. sometimes when my leg does swell more the pants seem to be to tight on that leg and it don't feel so comfortable as well..


Good Morning

The smell of the sun just waking up after its long nap...
as the sun comes up and in my window
tells me its time to get out of bed
start a new day
start a day fresh

As the dew from the grass
gently brushes my ankles
its a new day
the day has just begun

Birds sing
flowers bloom
the sun is coming up
its so beautiful
when the clouds all moving together
in such a perfect way
its the harmony of nature
all moving
all breathing
all living as one

As I feel the wind on my face
and the dew on the grass

Its a new day
a new day
to start fresh

To believe
to have hope
to remember

Who you are

In this new day

This day
is yours

So good morning
flowers
trees
birds
and sun

Its a new day

Your life
has just
begun..

<>

Friday, July 13, 2007

waite

so confused on how life works
how is this suppose to go
when people don't talk
people don't feel
its right there in front of them
waiting patiently for some kind of sigh
does the earth have to end
the moon have to fall
for you to see
just what it is you have
for you to realize
how magically it could be
in your eyes
in my eyes
lies the truth
of what could of been
what was
but seems to be
a thousand years ago...

i wait for that sign
and still wait
for something
if only the world to end
in my soul..



Thursday, July 12, 2007

time

I wish things were like they used to be
time and places people and things did not change so much in the world
enough time for everyone
enough time to say hello or to ask how you are
enough time to watch the sky hold hands
even for a moment
if time stood still
the way it seemed to do
to way it was earlier in the day
forever would be such a fun time
with the ones you know
laughing not worrying
things have changed
i can feel them in the core of my soul
it scares me
cause all i have is time
to look at the sky
to watch
wait
wonder and listen
for the emptiness
and the loneliness
of time

The Flow of the Lymph Fluid

The flow of lymph fluid

The lymph system’s primary function is to isolate infection and cellular detritus from the rest of the body and deal with it. Imagine you are looking at a handful of living cells through a microscope. A capillary (the smallest blood vessel) delivers blood with its oxygen and nutrients. The local cells use these nutrients and excrete waste. There may be pathogens or antigens present that create an immune response, leaving dead cells and perhaps live infection. Some of the blood and waste products are picked up by tiny veins. But much of the vascular fluid and waste — and hopefully all of the live infection — is picked up by tiny lymph vessels. This process is happening all over the body all the time.

Like tributaries trickling into a stream that feeds a slow-moving river, the lymph system transports lymph fluid through ever-widening vessels, moving it through 500 filtration and collection points — your lymph nodes. At each successive node the lymph fluid is filtered and bacteria is removed. If lymph fluid is blocked in one lymph node it will usually take a detour, but when blockage is extreme it can cause the lymph fluid to back up and cause swelling in the surrounding tissue, a condition known as lymphedema.

The far-reaching lymph vessels merge at certain points to form lymphatic trunks. You have six major lymph trunks in your body, each responsible for draining filtered fluid from one region of the body.

The lumbar and intestinal trunks drain a large volume of purified lymph fluid upward from your lower extremities, pelvis and abdomen into the cisterna chyli, a widened collection pouch at the base of the thoracic duct (see diagram).

Digestive fats from our food are meanwhile absorbed in the small intestine and then drawn into the lymphatic system for transport to the bloodstream via the cysterna chyli. This milky mixture of digestive fats and lymph is known as chyle.

The now enriched and purified lymph travels up your torso through the thoracic duct along the left side of your esophagus. It merges here with the lymph from your left trunk and arm, and finally returns to the bloodstream at its junction with the left subclavian vein, located above your heart and under your collarbone. A much smaller volume of filtered lymph fluid from nodes and trunks along the right side of your head, neck and arm is fed back into the bloodstream by the right lymphatic duct, on the right-hand side of your collarbone.

Amazingly, the lymphatic system has no central pump but depends on muscle contraction and manual manipulation to move fluid. Deep breathing is another essential way we can enhance movement of lymph through our bodies. And importantly, the organs of elimination (skin, kidney, liver, bladder, small and large intestines) need to be doing their jobs well so that the lymph does not get overwhelmed with waste products.

If the lymph system gets blocked or overrun (due to illness, surgery, toxic overload or lack of activity), lymph fluid backs up. This can cause swelling, joint pain, nausea and fatigue. Stagnant lymph may be stored within nodes for a long period of time but eventually becomes too toxic for the body to handle well.

Negative effects of chronic lymph blockages

All things in nature have a natural progression; when this motion is inhibited or jammed, concerns arise — and when it occurs in your lymph system, you feel it quickly.

Think again of a river: a healthy river runs clean and clear. A brackish river chugs along, thick with soot and silt that gets snagged, pocketing pollution in small pools along the way. Eventually, the sluggish river can become a breeding ground for bacteria and disease. The same is true for your lymph.

Because lymph cleanses nearly every cell in your body, symptoms of chronic lymph blockage are diverse but can include worsened allergies and food sensitivities, frequent cold and flu infections, joint pain, headaches and migraines, menstrual cramps, arthritis, fibrocystic breasts, breast tenderness, sinusitis, loss of appetite and GI issues, muscle cramping, tissue swelling, fatigue, mental fuzziness, mood irregularities, depression, parasites, skin breakouts, acne, and cellulite. In general, you may feel tired and toxic, with a heaviness in your abdomen. In Chinese medicine, practitioners call this “excessive damp” that undermines your whole health.

Stagnant lymph can also interfere with the system’s ability to cleanse more potentially hazardous concerns, such as bacteria and cancerous or diseased cells from organ tissue. Viral infections, bacteria, and cancerous or mutagenic cells move through the lymph fluid, where they are targeted and destroyed in the lymph nodes — when the system is adequate to the task.














Lymphedma


Lymphedema is a notoriously debilitating progressive condition with no known cure. The unfortunate patient faces a lifelong struggle of medical, and sometimes surgical, treatment fraught with potentially lethal complications.

The underlying problem is lymphatic dysfunction, resulting in an abnormal accumulation of interstitial fluid containing high molecular weight proteins. This condition underscores the tremendous importance of a normally functioning lymphatic system, which returns proteins, lipids, and accompanying water from the interstitium to the venous circulation near the subclavian vein–internal jugular vein junction

This is what I have, lymphedma... so far have lived with this for about 4 years now.. didnt know what it really was till abut 2 years ago.. four years ago i was told to take water pills.. the doc back then just thinking it was water, and now knowing this is bad for me now.. makes me wonder if doc's really ever listen to a patient about what you have really even care for that matter.. when i had one tell me i should wear socks and my feet would not look this way ... when i finally found out what this was, was from the lady who was going to measure my legs for stockings, and even she told me that first i would need to go to a person and get lumph manual massage.. to help the drainage and to wrap my legs everyday.. I thank these people alot... for helping me and getting me in the right direction for helping me to take care of my legs and my health..

Tommorow's Woman They helped me alot getting to the right direction for helping me with my legs..

I have Lymphedma in my left leg its call Primary Le.. not really sure how i got it but someday i would just really like to know..

all i know lately is pain when i walk.. on my ankle.. and when i move my whole leg seems to talk to me and say this hurts sometimes i cant sleep at night cause of the pain

and sometimes people look and stare and ask me if my leg is going to explode..

i get used to it to a point..

the main reason i walk to work every day is cause of my legs health.. walking is good for me.. good to have the circulation in it move..







poem

I shut myself off from the world
all time and space seems void to me now
tired of waiting for the sun to shine
when all i see is rain in my soul
all i see is blood on my heart
blood its like time
time that never ends
never ends in my thoughts
waiting for the sun to shine
but the sun never shines
like the path to my soul
to my heart
is filled with emotion
filled with nothingness
in this void of
endless seem less
time..

Invisible < part 2 >

Invisible
The world through my eyes
in shades of grey
black and white
not vivid
like the colors of a rainbow
like the sun
or the moon at night
for i am invisable
for all the world to see
people walk past me
look right through me
look at me
speak harsh words to me
don't know me
don't wanna know me
i am invisible
for all the world to see
waiting for the one moment
where i am seen by anyone
by someone
to only become un invisable
for just a moment
just a day
just a second
of someones time
someones touch
a embrace
to say
you are real
your not
invisible
to
me..
< Victoria
Thursday July 12, 2007 >

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Souls.. ( 12 years wasted )

Searching seeming for the perfect moon perfect sun
floating in the tress floating in the water
to feel that perfect sun, perfect moon
perfect love that has gone bad
ripped out the soul
ripped out the heart
ripped out the mind and the memories
of a life that has better yet to unknown
better yet to live
in a past where the world was new
in a past where i knew you
shattered love, shattered live
to only pick up the pieces
to feel the live the sun a new again
to hold the sun and the moon in my fist
to paint the world
with the beautiful colors
of the sunrise
of the pinkish purple
you were to me
but i am the only one
that was really here
you are now
the past..

Friday, July 6, 2007

If You Could Be Me

If you could be me, one day in my head one minute in my shoes
the feel of the world around you
closing in on your soul
on your heart
on your head
the fires down below
the sun up above
the sky so bright
the pain so new
takes one breath with each single pain
pain of a step
it surrounds me
surrounds my heart
surrounds my head

if you could be me
what would you feel
what would you think

of the world so cold and alone
so new but yet bad at the same time

if you could be me
would the pain take you away
make you scream
make you think
you don't exist

if you could be my eyes
for one minute
one day
what would you see




Pic's of sunset taken tonight



While i was watching the new Dr Who, I noticed the sunset outside my window.. well i missed the last part of the show.. But here are the pics i took of it.. The sky is so pretty this is my fav color.. the Purplish Pinkish of the sky..Not really sure if thats a star or a plane the white dot...but the colors around it looks nice ..Its so refreshing to see the sunset after you have had a bad day.. makes you think of life and fill at piece for just a few minutes..


Wednesday, July 4, 2007


http://evanescence.com/index.asp

Evanescence My Immortal Live @ David Letterman Show

My Immortal Lyrics

EVANESCENCE LYRICS

"My Immortal"

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus:]
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus]

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

[Chorus]

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Article I just read.. Pot Vs Booze

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20070622.wpotvbooze/BNStory/lifeMain/

invisible me

i am invisible
like the water drifting on the sea
like the sun and the moon
and the stars in the sky

i am invisible
waving my arms like a tree
from the wind that blows
from the lonely sea

i am invisible
invisible me....

( victoria 9:12am june 24th 07.. )

Thursday, June 21, 2007

New pics of Nysa

New pics of my cat Nysa


Nysa, she is 13 weeks old now...she has recently taught me how to fetch.. she will take a piece of milk carton the ring and bring it to the computer drop it on the keyboard and want me to throw it.. so i do that and she comes right back with it..

here she is the pic on the left thats where she sleeps with her stuffed animals on her tower, and the other is looking at the birds though the window.. I always say Nysa, cats dont eat birds.. her response is meow... lol

Monday, June 18, 2007

Favorite Comic

http://www.comics.com/comics/getfuzzy/index.html

Alone

alone with my thoughts
swimming in my head..
the darkness comes up
swallows me
fills my thoughts
and i cant breathe
fills my world
turns to black and red
blood pumping
heart racing
soul searching
for the thoughts
that are in my head
telling me
i am not alone
that i am loved

Movie I want to see...





In a startling mature and nuanced performance, Parker Posey plays Nora Wilder, a thirty-something Manhattanite who is cynical about love and relationships, in this astute collaboration with first-time writer/director Zoe Cassavetes. Nora plugs away at her job in a posh downtown hotel and can't help but wonder what it is she has to do to find a relationship as ideal as her friend Audrey's (Drea De Matteo) "perfect marriage." It doesn't help that her overbearing mother (Gena Rowlands) takes every opportunity to remind Nora that she's still unattached. After a series of disastrous first dates, she meets Julien (Melvil Poupaud), a seemingly devil-may-care Frenchman with a passion for living. Expecting another disastrous ending, Nora tries to avoid making the same mistakes. She finds herself in Paris looking to break old patterns. Inevitably, Nora has to look inward before she can find a new outlook on life and most importantly, love.


This is a movie I really want to see.. found this little gem while i was surfing the web...i really do hope it comes to my town, if not i plan to buy it...Looks really good and i can see me as being Parker Posey.. cant waite to see it..

found this movie while surfing...here are some more clips on the bottom about it..






http://www.brokenenglishfilm.com/



http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0772157/

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Fathers Day

You grow up learning what love is from a family
keeping you safe
whole
and
true

You learn to ride a Bike
Fly a kite
Sail a boat
climb a mountain

all from a man
who is a hero in his own way

happy fathers day dad
your my hero...

~ Victoria

Saturday, June 16, 2007

My heart is swollen with so much emotion inside..
so much feeling so much thought
of ones own life
of ones own head
of ones own heart

its the soul that is torn into
of the feeling that is empty

in ones own head
ones own mind

the heart is full of love
so fragile
so frail
bursting

of a time when things were new
the clouds full of color
birds happy
and the flowers in bloom

all the heart sees is rain
blue clouds of tears
rolling down

to make floods
of the soul....

longing for the time
were the flowers bloom
the sun shines again

on the heart
on the soul

on me...

Friday, June 15, 2007

sunset

into the abyss of darkness
swells the sea
above the clouds
the mountain tops
birds so beautiful sky so big

the glass color of the sky
orange and pink
all mixing together

from the shimmering
heat of the glow
that seems to last forever

this orange pinkish color
seeming to divide into one

to make in contrast the bold brillant blue
of the night sky
that erases all the sun's movement

to where a field of stars lay in waite
for the new day to come again...

( wrote this at work , wednesday )


Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Happy wednesday...

One of the few things I am enjoying in life is the Linkin Park Cd Minutes to Midnight.. and let me tell you its really good... i always listen to it before i go to work... one of the songs i think is so power full is Hands Held High.. makes me think of war and who is fighting it who is dieing in it.. this song makes me really think..

when the rich wage its the poor that die.. I love that line from this song...

Linkin Park Hands Held High Lyrics
Turn my
mic up louder I got to say somethin.
Lightweights step it aside when we come in
Feel it in your chest, the syllables get pumpin
People on the street they panic and start running.
Words on loose leaf sheet complete coming.
I jump in my mind and summon the rhyme i'm dumping.
Healing the blind I promise to let the sun in
Sick of the dark ways we march to the drum and
Jump when they tell us that they wanna to see jumping.
Fuck that, I wanna see some fist pumping.
risk something, take back what's yours
say something that you know they might attack you for
cause I'm sick of being treated like I have before
like it's stupid standing for what I'm standing for.
Like this war's really just a different brand of war.
Like it doesn't cater to rich and abandon poor.
Like they understand you in the back of the jet, when you
can't put gas in your tank, and these fuckers are
laughing their way to the bank, cashing the check
asking you to have compassion, have respect
for a leader so nervous in an obvious way
Stuttering and mumbling for nightly news to replay
and the rest of the world watching at the end of the day
in the living room laughing like
what did he say?

Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen

In my living room watching, I am not laughing, Cause
when it gets tense I know what might happen
The world is cold, the bold men take action
have to react or get blown into fractions.
Ten years old, it's something to see, another
kid my age drug under a jeep,
taken and bound, and found later under a tree,
I wonder if he had thought the next one could be me.
[Hands Held High lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

Do you see, the soldiers, they're out today they
Brush the dust from bulletproof vests away.
It's ironic, at times like this you pray,
but a bomb blew the mosque up yesterday.
There's bombs on the buses, bikes, roads,
inside your market,your shops, your clothes, My dad,
He's got a lot of fear I know
but enough pride inside not to let that show.
My brother had a book he would hold with pride
A little red cover with a broken spine.
On the back, he hand wrote a quote inside:
"when the rich wage war, it's the poor who die"
And meanwhile, the leader just talks away
Stuttering and mumbling for nightly news to replay
and the rest of the world watching at the end of the day
both scared and angry like
what did he say?

Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen.

With hands held high into a sky so blue
as the ocean opens up to swallow you.

With hands held high into a sky so blue
as the ocean opens up to swallow you.

With hands held high into a sky so blue
as the ocean opens up to swallow you.

With hands held high into a sky so blue
as the ocean opens up to swallow you.

With hands held high into a sky so blue
as the ocean opens up to swallow you.

With hands held high into a sky so blue
as the ocean opens up to swallow you.
Sometimes life is not what you expect or the people you have in it maybe you expect to much from them..but there has to come a time to let all the world float away and to forgot about your problems and to say what about me?? what about me ??? the soul is weary for helping everyone and being left being left in the middle of a pool of a frozen soul.. Hard to think of a time when thoughts didn't surround everyone else.. and feeling left out in the middle of a pool of a frozen soul stuck in a frozen time where there are no sun sets.. no life no time to spare only hope of not to be stuck in the sands of time and to be forgotten.. to be forgotten in the heart..

~ victoria

Thursday, June 7, 2007

Let two souls and worlds collide
turns to dust at your feet
all falls away
all tears away
from the beginning
and to the end
from the middle
the beginning
to the sun highs
and lows

let two souls collide
let days and nights
have sunrise

let the earth
turn to dust

when two souls collide

its a matter of time

for dust to come
and for hearts to break
in the cold moon light


Monday, June 4, 2007

I lie in wake wondering waiting whats it all for
time there is to much of it
there is to little of it
time,
its all around us
waiting for us to make the right decision
for our life for ourselves..
waiting for time to catch up
in ones own mind
in ones own soul

time has left me
but thats all
i really have

is time..

Friday, June 1, 2007

Vous avez la clef à mon coeur et âme

Quand je pense à vous. Mon monde cesse de se déplacer pendant un certain temps, exposent au soleil alors pourrait refuser de briller mais mon monde serait si parfait avec vous dans ma vie vous droit près de moi... son les choses qui nous rendent plus forts comme savoir de personnes ce qui nous avons savoir ce qu'est vrai. Son vous que je serai toujours of..The tellement très fier un je voudrez venir à la maison à. Pour le reste de mon life..The un qui sait et aura toujours la clef à mon coeur.

Pour moi prends tout l'amour et le moment pour vous dans le world..Knowing vous. est ce qui m'obtient cependant le jour.

Monday, May 28, 2007

My Movie Review

Today I saw
Over The Hedge
Funny little cartoon movie about animals trying to take food from the humans its funny cute movie and you just wanna go oh thats so cute.. liked it alot.. at the end when the skunk made her self like a cat to talk to the cat.. and it turns out the real cat accepted the skunk ( wanna be cat ) for her self.. so it taught a lesson to not judge people.

so i give it 4 stars.. out of 1

****

Just recently I had the great opportunity to see

300

and oh wow is all i have to say about this movie.. the fighting is really great.. I really liked the part in the movie about the dead bodies on the barrier using them as a base for the wall made it so much better seeing the movie i bought the soundtrack first as soon as it came out listened to that alot, then saw the movie.. the movie is really gripping from beginning to end.. will buy it on DvD when it comes out..
washing over the waves of a life time
of a time of hurt and pain
looking through your eyes
i see it all
see all of inside of your soul'
where emotions play games
of a time
where there was pain
for the heart and soul
see the flowers dieing
see the waves crashing
the moon and sun
turning to red
like the flowers dieing
raining down on my soul
raining down
on the souls of us all..


Saturday, May 26, 2007

Pain surrounds me takes away my soul my heart
Pain seeps inside of me gripping my soul
like a lost summer storm
full of raw emotion
full of hatred
full of heat
the heat you cant see
but can grip
your most inner thoughts
and cause pain
rippling pain
pain of life
pain of death
pain of the soul
like the full moon on a summer night
wishing the rain would come
to
wash away the pain
and have it
no more...

( victoria ) May 26, 07 )

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Nysa, who is 13 months old.. poseing for the cam.. just after i finish unloading the bookcase to move it across the room.. every where i go she is there.. under my feet.. waiting for me when i get home.. even leave the T.V on for her.. her favorite show, sponge bob square pants..


she is named after a DR Who show.. http://www.bbc.co.uk/doctorwho/classic/

http://chem.csustan.edu/JTB/GUIDES/WHO/whodata-97-D5.htm

the shows.. she is named after.. and yes i do love sci - fi and dr who..

sights and sounds fade into images and colors as the world passes by
floating into a new world falling on a rock
crashing down to reality
and breaking like a fragile flower
setting in the sun
and burning on the grass
of ever lasting twlight
setting in the sands of time
setting in the darkness of my mind
so fragile so pure
like a moth in a spell
captured forever
by the bright light..

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

T.V.

So this morning I decide before going to work to watch my local news, granted where i live at its a small place.. but sometimes i just wanna watch and see whats going on in the world.. It just doesnt happen when I watch my local news.. instead someone just said on there i learned something yesterday.. they get a strawberry and shove a straw through it and take off the top of the leaves with the straw.. Well thinking it was something important.. but it wasn't what a let down.. where are all the real news reporters?

Monday, May 21, 2007

floating endlessly through the sky flying free
the sun the moon and stars they can not catch me
the breeze feels so nice
through the wind, sky and trees
floating away
flying free
letting my mind go
letting the soul free
to face another day
to only see
the one
who truly
gets me...
One of the things I have done for many years is play this game to relax.. its a good outlit for letting off steam just before going to work...and after work.. a very good place to see and talk to my friends with..
http://www.camelotherald.com/index.shtml
Its called Dark Age Of Camelot..

Sunday, May 20, 2007


One of the joys of life is looking at the clouds, these were taken when there was a tornado warning.. Nature and all its wonder..



Taken last night around 8pm cst of a beautiful star with the moon..

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Soul Touched

Just one soul one life for things to be the same or different
we all have one life
we all make one choice
things are not easy
but with words and comfort
the love will shine
in all our hearts...

love will never die
love will always grow...

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Mothers Day

Mothers Day

Life begins at birth
so tiny
so frail
through the stages of life
we grow
we become
its the love
the bond
of the mothers
that makes everything
special
in the heart and the mind
Happy Mothers Day
you have someone out there
who thinks of you daily
and wonders what you are like..