Saturday, July 28, 2007

300 Movie

300 is coming out on Tuesday I so cant wait going to get a copy.. So i found this funny video which i really like alot. Thank you for making it.

United 300

Wednesday, July 25, 2007


sometimes i look at my leg and think i hate it.. why does it hurt so dang bad.. inside my ankle when i move my foot,,, but yet i think it might rain today that would be why it hurts so darn bad like this... i am like tears from my face cause of the pain.. but i must get up put on my stockings i have to wear... and walk to work.. pain or no pain and be happy at work...

i hate it.. but i have to deal with it... sigh

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Operation smile / Arizona Tea

Changing Lives One Smile at a Time:

AriZona Beverages supports Operation Smile, a worldwide organization that is changing the lives of children suffering from devastating facial deformities. One surgery costs as little as $240.00. Your purchase will help change a child's life forever. Thank you

Arizona Green Tea

So today i tried a new tea at work I usually drink the Rx stress tea and today i got the Green Tea with ginseng and honey... I like this alot better then the Lipton green tea.. if i knew Arizona was this good i would of gotten this all along.. so now all i drink is Arizona stuff... i really do love all there stuff so far i have had.. tomorrow i am going to get there ice tea in that big can...

Serving Size 8 fl. oz (240 mL)
Amount per serving
Calories 70
Calories from Fat 0

% DV*
Total Fat
0 g
Saturated Fat
0 g
0 mg
20 mg
Total Carbohydrates
18 g
0 g
17 g
0 g

Monday, July 23, 2007

I break

I break from the people coming to me
the sun in the window
to bright to see
gotta get away
gotta break free
gotta break free
of this person called me

fears grip me
ties me down
i break
i gotta break free
of this person
they call me

sun goes down
a light switch is on
sun goes down
a light switch is off

i sit here
i wait
for the moment
to break free
for the sun to fall
the sky to come
the season change
but yet i am still me

i break
i fear
the person
they call me

the people running to me
the world fading to me
no more switches
no more lights
day has come into the night

i break
i break free
of the person i don't like
i don't like
is me

mood fades
mood follows
mood swallows
its s switch
that is all about me

its the heart that sees
but find no answers
in this weary body
of switches
of being

soul lies

memories surround my soul
of what its like to be young
of what its like to feel loved
the roses are all dead
and withered away
the sun has gone away
the moon the stars to

memories surround my soul
of a time so very far away
of a chance
of a day
that will never come
memories surround my heart
of a forgotten love
of a forgotten day
of time
the moon
the stars

blackness falls away
turns to red
makes for the day

of blood of passion
of a new time

vivid colors
falling all down around me

vivid memories
of what i used to be

in a different time
different place

where the colors were all blue vivid and bright
now there all dark deep in the mind in the soul
its so dark..

Friday, July 20, 2007

Bi-Polar Soul..

My world is soring
soring free inside my head
its like a big light switch
so very big
that i have bells in my ears
i cant answer
i wanna answer them
say hello
hello and stop
but the colors of black and blue
come in and go out of my head
they make me want to shout
to scream
its a high i am soaring
i am about the clouds
till i fall
and feel
as if i am dieing
in my head
i feel so much pain
so much grief
of these eyes on me
eyes looking straight through me
feel pain in my soul
deep in my heart
this is a low
the two get mixed up
day to day
i have this switch
more then once a day
it is flipped
more then once
a smell a sound
and its flipped
i am tired
i am weak
i am me
i am a bi polar soul

who bleeds
who feels
who is afraid
of being different

so much grief
so much madness
the switch flips
so much happiness
so much fun
the switch
so much low
so much high

this is me
this is my
bi polar

Arizona Tea

So I have found this really great tea.. and lately i have been drinking it and telling everyone at work how good it is... its the Arizona Rx Stress Herbal Iced Tea.. and i really like it alot, i like it for the fact its no Caffeine and it just makes me feel so good to drink it..I really love this tea..

Here is a link to there site for all there really good products..

Thursday, July 19, 2007

The Sun

the sun is setting on a day
so cold so alone
so alone
in my soul
the world is dark
so cold
visions of blue and red
in my life
the sun is always closed
blinds drawn
to not let in the world
not let in the pain
pain of my soul
pain of the stares at other people
it surrounds me
like a month to a flame
the blaze
it shows in the rain
so bright
beautiful rain
rain in my soul
rain in my life
the world is dark
my mind is dark
its a blaze
that will never go out...

pics of Dark Age Of Camelot I have taken.. over the years


I Bleed

I bleed blood so red from the feelings i share
blood from the soul
showing much despair
let it rain down on me
let it rain down on my soul
to cleanse all the wounds
and start a new
let it show my soul
let it open my heart
for all the world to see
it is
moving all through me

if i get hurt
do i not bleed blood to
do i not feel
do i not share
the same things as you?

do i not bleed

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Lymphedema Wednesday

I am tired didn't sleep good last night. although i went to bed at 10pm, tossed and turned and my leg felt like it was on fire, and had pins and needles all night long in it.. cramps to on the left leg and foot.. It rained last night and afternoon, and when it rains i get this really bad pain in my ankle and foot.. so bad last night it brought tears to my eyes..

So when I awake this morning at 4am.. same pain.. seems worse in a way.. so today i decide to wrap my leg after i massage it.. what i do first is put cotton on my foot wrap it up just below the knee with about 8 pieces of cotton...This will be the first Pic.. Then after that I take some bandages and wrap the foot first going up to the knee.. i use about 5 bandages for this.. depends on how big swollen my leg is.. the purpose is when i walk.. the bandages move and move my skin more and get the circulation going better..2nd pic is the leg wrapped with the bandages..Well ok, the pic on the left is the bandaged one. the pic on the right is the one with the cotton...

will also put a Link up to bandaging your leg as well..

Monday, July 16, 2007

rainbows and kittens
pink and purple
of the sun set a knew
the tress blowing in the wind
the smell of the flowers
the feel of the grass on my feet
these are a few
of my favorite things

the things i like
the things i love

the flowers

the moonlight in full bloom
like the flowers in the daylight

these are a few of my favorite things

i walk on air
float on the sun

live in pain

but my favorite things keeps me from
being in chains

chains of pain
chains of the sun

when there is life to live
air to breathe
flowers to watch bloom

the glory of the sun
and the moon

in the world
full of
pink and purple skies
in the world

your my favorite thing...


i hide myself away from the pain
the scars i hide them well
but they show on the outside
come up from the inside
big full of pain
when people look
people stare
at the difference
between me and them
i am different
i hide my pain
but i show my scar
for the whole world to see
my scar
big as daylight
big as the sun
big as the night
its the movement that hurts
the pain that grips the inside
that shows on the outside
the pain of being different
it makes me unique
to my own self
makes me not a lemming
to a world full of them
makes my heart and soul grow
for the need to help another
for i am different
for i am unique
i am also

but to the world
i am only visible
long enough to stare...

my soul hurts.. my life feels like it has been crushed into a thousand tiny pieces..
broken twisted emotional.. and feels so out of place in life in myself..
the pain is all around me
it hurts
to breath
to move
and the sun flows
into the night
into the day
as time passes
i feel as if my soul has been crushed
my life has been taken away
the sun sets
the sun dies
my soul and heart die
with it...


Avoiding Lymphedema or Keeping It in Check

For the person with lymphedema, skin care is very important. All skin abrasions need to be cleaned and covered immediately to help prevent infection. We recommend keeping alcohol swabs, antibiotic ointment and bandages available at all times. Avoid any trauma to the involved limb, including needle sticks or burns. Other recommendations include:
  • Avoid temperature extremes such as hot baths, hot tubs and hot showers; Turkish baths or saunas; burns from cooking, smoking or the sun; and travel in hot or cold climates.
  • Avoid infections from insect bites; manicures or pedicures; vaccinations, venipunctures or acupunctures in the affected limb; pet scratches; skin punctures and cuts; venography; and lymphography.
  • Avoid blunt trauma such as lifting heavy objects; playing golf or tennis; applying a blood pressure cuff to the affected limb; wearing tight clothing, especially breast straps; wearing a heavy breast prosthesis; or wearing rings, watches or bracelets on the affected limb.
General precautions for people with lymphedema include:
  • Practice good nutrition. Limit salt and fried foods.
  • Avoid alcohol and nicotine as much as possible.
  • Maintain a normal weight.
  • Keep the affected limb meticulously clean. Be very careful with skin and nail care.
  • Sleep with the affected limb elevated.
  • Exercise. Try walking, swimming or specially-prescribed exercises.
  • Use hypoallergenic soaps and fragrances.
  • Seek treatment for even the slightest sign of lymphedema.
  • Treat infections vigorously.

I just found this site... for careing about Lymphedema.. so i thought i would post form that site.. i am also going to add them to my list of links.. and write the a email.. and ask them some questions..


My leg has been hurting last night ever since it rained , bad pain in it and it aches.. when i walk when i move when my cat rubs against my leg its juist one big ball of pain.. so today i am going to wrap it and take pics of it ..i hope when i wrap it it will feel better some.. the pain is going from my ankle to the right side of my leg and feels hot..

Saturday, July 14, 2007

My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion

That is the video i just put up, makes me wanna watch Titanic. Its a good movie and i like this song alot..

block myself

I block myself from the pain..
each day it takes my soul away
each day i try to understand
the meaning of life
the meaning of love
the meaning
of time wind and space

is that all i have
between me
between you

is it love
is it a dieing flower
in the heat
like a cold death
the flame has been out
been out for a while

been out of space
been out of time

drifting in the memories
feeling the pain of the soul

tired of drifting

tired of floating

its always the invisible
that has to wait
wait for a long time

when things used to be different
when memories where clear

is this how it is ?

I block myself from the pain
I blow the flame out
of the dieing flower

and walk..


with my left foot being bigger then my right foot its hard for me to find shoes.. and right now i am wearing.. New Balance Cross Trainers..
there mens and size 11EEE.. hard for me to find shoes i like and feel good on my what i did i put pink shoe strings on these to make them look pretty.. to woman them up.. I have always liked New Balance shoes.. here are a pic of my shoes...


some things don't seem so +bad.. until i wake up walk about and can feel the fluid move in my leg and stay there.. then my ankle and foot hurt like anything.. maybe its the pressure of the fluid that stays there but my ankle is small and my foot is big with the calf being big as well.what i want to do is get the left ankle and make it strong.. have looked at ankle weights and have not found any that would fit my ankle.. with the way it is.. between a swollen leg and foot.. and now i am thinking of getting a recumbent bike.. the kind where you can sit down and ride it.. was once told that is the best kind i can use for the way my legs are..

usually when i wake up in the morning i massage my legs.. arms and everything.. then i out on my stockings. they come up to almost my hips.. and have infection fighting material on them there from ..

these are custom made for the measurements of my leg..they help alot.. to move the legs.. the skin.. and so that more fluid wont go down there..

at least thats what i think they do.. i am still learning about this.. these do get hot.. and with the weather nice and all. would not rather wear them but don't wanna be in pain either and have my leg worse.. and when i am at work i wear skirts now.. sometimes when my leg does swell more the pants seem to be to tight on that leg and it don't feel so comfortable as well..

Good Morning

The smell of the sun just waking up after its long nap...
as the sun comes up and in my window
tells me its time to get out of bed
start a new day
start a day fresh

As the dew from the grass
gently brushes my ankles
its a new day
the day has just begun

Birds sing
flowers bloom
the sun is coming up
its so beautiful
when the clouds all moving together
in such a perfect way
its the harmony of nature
all moving
all breathing
all living as one

As I feel the wind on my face
and the dew on the grass

Its a new day
a new day
to start fresh

To believe
to have hope
to remember

Who you are

In this new day

This day
is yours

So good morning
and sun

Its a new day

Your life
has just


Friday, July 13, 2007


so confused on how life works
how is this suppose to go
when people don't talk
people don't feel
its right there in front of them
waiting patiently for some kind of sigh
does the earth have to end
the moon have to fall
for you to see
just what it is you have
for you to realize
how magically it could be
in your eyes
in my eyes
lies the truth
of what could of been
what was
but seems to be
a thousand years ago...

i wait for that sign
and still wait
for something
if only the world to end
in my soul..

Thursday, July 12, 2007


I wish things were like they used to be
time and places people and things did not change so much in the world
enough time for everyone
enough time to say hello or to ask how you are
enough time to watch the sky hold hands
even for a moment
if time stood still
the way it seemed to do
to way it was earlier in the day
forever would be such a fun time
with the ones you know
laughing not worrying
things have changed
i can feel them in the core of my soul
it scares me
cause all i have is time
to look at the sky
to watch
wonder and listen
for the emptiness
and the loneliness
of time

The Flow of the Lymph Fluid

The flow of lymph fluid

The lymph system’s primary function is to isolate infection and cellular detritus from the rest of the body and deal with it. Imagine you are looking at a handful of living cells through a microscope. A capillary (the smallest blood vessel) delivers blood with its oxygen and nutrients. The local cells use these nutrients and excrete waste. There may be pathogens or antigens present that create an immune response, leaving dead cells and perhaps live infection. Some of the blood and waste products are picked up by tiny veins. But much of the vascular fluid and waste — and hopefully all of the live infection — is picked up by tiny lymph vessels. This process is happening all over the body all the time.

Like tributaries trickling into a stream that feeds a slow-moving river, the lymph system transports lymph fluid through ever-widening vessels, moving it through 500 filtration and collection points — your lymph nodes. At each successive node the lymph fluid is filtered and bacteria is removed. If lymph fluid is blocked in one lymph node it will usually take a detour, but when blockage is extreme it can cause the lymph fluid to back up and cause swelling in the surrounding tissue, a condition known as lymphedema.

The far-reaching lymph vessels merge at certain points to form lymphatic trunks. You have six major lymph trunks in your body, each responsible for draining filtered fluid from one region of the body.

The lumbar and intestinal trunks drain a large volume of purified lymph fluid upward from your lower extremities, pelvis and abdomen into the cisterna chyli, a widened collection pouch at the base of the thoracic duct (see diagram).

Digestive fats from our food are meanwhile absorbed in the small intestine and then drawn into the lymphatic system for transport to the bloodstream via the cysterna chyli. This milky mixture of digestive fats and lymph is known as chyle.

The now enriched and purified lymph travels up your torso through the thoracic duct along the left side of your esophagus. It merges here with the lymph from your left trunk and arm, and finally returns to the bloodstream at its junction with the left subclavian vein, located above your heart and under your collarbone. A much smaller volume of filtered lymph fluid from nodes and trunks along the right side of your head, neck and arm is fed back into the bloodstream by the right lymphatic duct, on the right-hand side of your collarbone.

Amazingly, the lymphatic system has no central pump but depends on muscle contraction and manual manipulation to move fluid. Deep breathing is another essential way we can enhance movement of lymph through our bodies. And importantly, the organs of elimination (skin, kidney, liver, bladder, small and large intestines) need to be doing their jobs well so that the lymph does not get overwhelmed with waste products.

If the lymph system gets blocked or overrun (due to illness, surgery, toxic overload or lack of activity), lymph fluid backs up. This can cause swelling, joint pain, nausea and fatigue. Stagnant lymph may be stored within nodes for a long period of time but eventually becomes too toxic for the body to handle well.

Negative effects of chronic lymph blockages

All things in nature have a natural progression; when this motion is inhibited or jammed, concerns arise — and when it occurs in your lymph system, you feel it quickly.

Think again of a river: a healthy river runs clean and clear. A brackish river chugs along, thick with soot and silt that gets snagged, pocketing pollution in small pools along the way. Eventually, the sluggish river can become a breeding ground for bacteria and disease. The same is true for your lymph.

Because lymph cleanses nearly every cell in your body, symptoms of chronic lymph blockage are diverse but can include worsened allergies and food sensitivities, frequent cold and flu infections, joint pain, headaches and migraines, menstrual cramps, arthritis, fibrocystic breasts, breast tenderness, sinusitis, loss of appetite and GI issues, muscle cramping, tissue swelling, fatigue, mental fuzziness, mood irregularities, depression, parasites, skin breakouts, acne, and cellulite. In general, you may feel tired and toxic, with a heaviness in your abdomen. In Chinese medicine, practitioners call this “excessive damp” that undermines your whole health.

Stagnant lymph can also interfere with the system’s ability to cleanse more potentially hazardous concerns, such as bacteria and cancerous or diseased cells from organ tissue. Viral infections, bacteria, and cancerous or mutagenic cells move through the lymph fluid, where they are targeted and destroyed in the lymph nodes — when the system is adequate to the task.


Lymphedema is a notoriously debilitating progressive condition with no known cure. The unfortunate patient faces a lifelong struggle of medical, and sometimes surgical, treatment fraught with potentially lethal complications.

The underlying problem is lymphatic dysfunction, resulting in an abnormal accumulation of interstitial fluid containing high molecular weight proteins. This condition underscores the tremendous importance of a normally functioning lymphatic system, which returns proteins, lipids, and accompanying water from the interstitium to the venous circulation near the subclavian vein–internal jugular vein junction

This is what I have, lymphedma... so far have lived with this for about 4 years now.. didnt know what it really was till abut 2 years ago.. four years ago i was told to take water pills.. the doc back then just thinking it was water, and now knowing this is bad for me now.. makes me wonder if doc's really ever listen to a patient about what you have really even care for that matter.. when i had one tell me i should wear socks and my feet would not look this way ... when i finally found out what this was, was from the lady who was going to measure my legs for stockings, and even she told me that first i would need to go to a person and get lumph manual massage.. to help the drainage and to wrap my legs everyday.. I thank these people alot... for helping me and getting me in the right direction for helping me to take care of my legs and my health..

Tommorow's Woman They helped me alot getting to the right direction for helping me with my legs..

I have Lymphedma in my left leg its call Primary Le.. not really sure how i got it but someday i would just really like to know..

all i know lately is pain when i walk.. on my ankle.. and when i move my whole leg seems to talk to me and say this hurts sometimes i cant sleep at night cause of the pain

and sometimes people look and stare and ask me if my leg is going to explode..

i get used to it to a point..

the main reason i walk to work every day is cause of my legs health.. walking is good for me.. good to have the circulation in it move..


I shut myself off from the world
all time and space seems void to me now
tired of waiting for the sun to shine
when all i see is rain in my soul
all i see is blood on my heart
blood its like time
time that never ends
never ends in my thoughts
waiting for the sun to shine
but the sun never shines
like the path to my soul
to my heart
is filled with emotion
filled with nothingness
in this void of
endless seem less

Invisible < part 2 >

The world through my eyes
in shades of grey
black and white
not vivid
like the colors of a rainbow
like the sun
or the moon at night
for i am invisable
for all the world to see
people walk past me
look right through me
look at me
speak harsh words to me
don't know me
don't wanna know me
i am invisible
for all the world to see
waiting for the one moment
where i am seen by anyone
by someone
to only become un invisable
for just a moment
just a day
just a second
of someones time
someones touch
a embrace
to say
you are real
your not
< Victoria
Thursday July 12, 2007 >

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Souls.. ( 12 years wasted )

Searching seeming for the perfect moon perfect sun
floating in the tress floating in the water
to feel that perfect sun, perfect moon
perfect love that has gone bad
ripped out the soul
ripped out the heart
ripped out the mind and the memories
of a life that has better yet to unknown
better yet to live
in a past where the world was new
in a past where i knew you
shattered love, shattered live
to only pick up the pieces
to feel the live the sun a new again
to hold the sun and the moon in my fist
to paint the world
with the beautiful colors
of the sunrise
of the pinkish purple
you were to me
but i am the only one
that was really here
you are now
the past..

Friday, July 6, 2007

If You Could Be Me

If you could be me, one day in my head one minute in my shoes
the feel of the world around you
closing in on your soul
on your heart
on your head
the fires down below
the sun up above
the sky so bright
the pain so new
takes one breath with each single pain
pain of a step
it surrounds me
surrounds my heart
surrounds my head

if you could be me
what would you feel
what would you think

of the world so cold and alone
so new but yet bad at the same time

if you could be me
would the pain take you away
make you scream
make you think
you don't exist

if you could be my eyes
for one minute
one day
what would you see

Pic's of sunset taken tonight

While i was watching the new Dr Who, I noticed the sunset outside my window.. well i missed the last part of the show.. But here are the pics i took of it.. The sky is so pretty this is my fav color.. the Purplish Pinkish of the sky..Not really sure if thats a star or a plane the white dot...but the colors around it looks nice ..Its so refreshing to see the sunset after you have had a bad day.. makes you think of life and fill at piece for just a few minutes..

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Evanescence My Immortal Live @ David Letterman Show

My Immortal Lyrics


"My Immortal"

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase


I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along